Milk · and · Blood

I'm off to a costume event organized by the New Worlds Alliance aka Geek Pride. But before I rush out with all my gear, I'd like to greet LITTLEGREENLEAF a Happy Happy Happy Birthday. I would have been a lost soul at ORC 2006 if not for her and I not only had a companion, I met an "Ate" (older sister) too. Big hugs and I'm glad you like the flowers xoxo

K

nazgulqueen's Halloween party:

10th_1216 dressed as a juice.
3ndlessnameless dressed as Lance Armstrong.
ana_lib_elf dressed as Woodrow Wilson.
chaosmanor dressed as a pimp.
charlesatan dressed as Hurricane Micheal.
cherrykabuki dressed as something tender, but what, specifically, you can't tell, though it looked more like a new superhero: Snow -wave.
cmdr_gabe_e dressed as the love child of Jesus and Vanna White.
efrensapalaran dressed as Mr. Sulu from "Star Trek", and it suited them disturbingly well.
frodo_202 dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
janipanda dressed as a witch, though it looked more like the Governor of West Virginia.
littlegreenleaf dressed as Optimus Prime, and it suited them all too well.
loverly_rosies dressed as Johnny Depp.
luthientaralom dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Intellectual Contender, and it suited them disturbingly well.
mcvie dressed as a 1970's disco child.
pecos dressed as your aunt.
psyctrl dressed as Darth Vader.
sadiebrandybuck dressed as Tipper Gore.
schrodingerscat dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Chim-Chim Bananabreath", though it looked more like the Cardinal of Osbusdale.
starshuffler dressed as Trent Reznor.
stryderranulf dressed as Gwen Stefani's mother.
tagasanpablo dressed as the Electric Power Ranger.
tatcee dressed as Chester A. Arthur.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe something
A day in the life of someone else?
Cause I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I don't have any albums by Pink in my collection but I do like some of her songs, like "Pill" and her new single, "Stupid." You just have to love the way she embraces her imperfection and how sometimes she just speaks for those of us who may not have every hair in place, who may not have "seemingly" perfect little lives and relationships, or don't have everything at home in their designated little nooks.

I started off the week questioning myself. Monday morning, I was buying a gift at Toy Kingdom and the music playing at the store was "Don't Let Me Get Me" and I think I found my anthem du jour.

The Sunday night before, I had dinner at my grandmother's and it hit me: my cousin in law isn't talking to me. I thought for the last couple of weeks she was being cold and distant until it hit me. She is avoiding / ignoring me. I had a talk with one of my cousins and I reckon she is mad at me for something I did without any cruel intentions. I just got caught in the middle somewhere, got misunderstood and now I've been hung by the jury in her head without any chance for me to explain my side.

Normally, I'd just let it blow over but my popularity level during the Sunday dinner sweepstakes is a current marvel.

My aunt barely raises an eyebrow when I greet her. This is because two months ago, I had told her to respect my privacy as I felt she was asking questions about me behind my back--I also felt this was not out of genuine concern but to maybe further affirm I do belong to the Addams family instead. Or perhaps maybe the Tepes or Bathory bloodline.

I think part of what makes me a bit of a target is I am different and I don't quite fit the mold. Of course I know each one of us (from amongst my cousins) are all different but I think I may have skewed off the curves more often than anyone else. It shows in the way I dress--sometimes like a pirate, sometimes like Morticia, sometimes like a rockstar, sometimes like a survivor contestant. I hardly go out but when I do, it's not to these trendy, upscale places. I like little dives and rock clubs. I sometimes like being alone. That's just some of it. But despite all that, I'm still glad I can get along with all my cousins.

I guess I am just a target to those who are at the further end of the spectrum from me. I'm more prone to being misunderstood by them. Make me materialize in a section of London where all the punks hang out and I'll be but a bunny rabbit, find me at Sunday dinner and well, I'm a punk.

And for some bizarre few moments I wish I had the perfectly combed hair, the normal set up at home (the wedding ring, the husband with the right job and family name), the spa appointments...and just this propensity for doing and liking most of whatever it is the people around me do and like. For some moments not be identified by my quirks and imperfections and just blend in with the landscape.

But that's just for a bizarre few moments. Even when I'm feeling a bit down, misunderstood and miserable, there's no other skin I'm more comfortable in other than my own. Even if sometimes I do annoy myself.

That said, it kind of makes you love the people who really love you more and more. I may be far from perfect but I sure as hell am full of love, squishiness and quirks for my peeps who take me as I am.

Peace.

(Rant)

Last Sunday night I had dinner at my grandmother's house. The usual Sunday dinner. After I left early to make sure my son would be up early for school the next day, my aunt started asking my cousin questions about my personal life.

Very personal questions, private ones. Ones involving past and current relationships with boyfriends.

My cousin told me about it and I got so upset, I decided to call my aunt and tell her if she has questions about me, she can ask me straight. She told me, I was a very private person by nature so she wanted to get her information elsewhere. She said she had a "right to know" if not from me then from my cousins. I told her I wanted her to respect my privacy.

I have spent the last four years taking care of a son on my own and taking care of my father who is sick, I just broke my toe and had to get a cast and had foot surgery both times going by MYSELF to the hospital. And dammit, is it too much to ask that I be left alone when I ask to be?

My aunt is the kind of woman who thinks people should NOT go to the cinema to watch the Da Vinci Code, she supports the Opus Dei, doesn't listen to other religious points of view and likes to gossip about other people or other people's kids gone wrong. A true gift to ultra right wing Catholicism.

Thing is, I have not gone wrong, I've made mistakes yes but I've embraced them as part of my being and grown and learned about life, love and understanding from those mistakes. I still feel I have a moral compass that guides me in my decisions, sometimes it maybe off and other times, I lose it because I'm angry or hurt.

But no one has the RIGHT to know my details, no has the RIGHT to judge me or make me feel like a less of human being because I have not lived my life in accordance to the tenets of Vatican 2.

When I was younger, I couldn't brush my teeth in the same room as my cousins (they were boys) and I couldn't watch TV with my older cousins with the door closed when I was in their house.

Here I am 38 years old, minding my own business and being hounded by the morality police.

I'm trying not to let this get to me, so here I am now, on the LJ, trying to release all this anger.

Our family is so small as it is, I feel I've divided it further but I got angry and couldn't help it. In our Filipino culture, we're trained to respect our elders so it is just not that acceptable to give them lip. And I just did and I can't apologize.

I fractured my left big toe yesterday in Taekwondo class.

I don't know how it happened but it was while I was practicing 45 degree kicks on a kick pads. I must have done one of my kicks hard and done it wrong :-( and it doesn't help that I'm part of the target market for those ads mentioning "osteoporosis."

It happened in the morning and since I wasn't feeling much pain yet and I wanted to make my promotion test, I did something really smart--I thought it was nothing and trained again the afternoon. By 6:30 pm I was figuring something wasn't quite right with the discoloration and my inability to bend my toe at the joint.

At 7:30 pm I am driving myself to the emergency room of the nearest hospital and by 10:00 pm I am back in the car (thank God for automatic transmission) with a cast. I also made another smart move: I was prescribed pain killers--Arcoxia, and at the time, I thought I could handle it. Since I came home to a late dinner with a few friends I had not seen in a long time, I ended up sleeping at 2:00 am and an hour of sleep was as good as it got. I was in pain until 7:00 am when I asked our "manang" to please go out and buy me the pain killers.

I never had a fracture before in my life. Had a sling, and a knee brace (from skating and weights injuries) but never a fracture and cast. The pain really rocks. It is an eye opener for me--in more ways than one because no matter how tired I was, the pain kept me up. Now I have more sympathy and more respect for people I know who are in this sort of situation. It's 3 weeks in a cast for me--unless the orthopedic surgeon I plan to visit next week says otherwise.

What made me feel worse is that I'll definitely miss the promotion test I've been preparing for and I may have to cancel the holiday I planned with my son. May be looking for crutches as well, I can always borrow my dad's wheelchair. Or John Locke's.

Ever have one of those moments where you're so sweaty and stinky from exercising but you're just too LAZY to take a bath? And you're at this computer and it's really near a bed and you just want to plop down on it, no bath and no brushing of teeth?

I'm having one of those moments.

If I still lived alone, the answer to that would be sooooooooo easy. I could just say I'm conserving water!

Three people in my karmic circle have recently hooked up--not with each other but with promising to be very significant others.

What makes these three so different is that they're not the type to jump right into another relationship or get another boyfriend / girfriend within weeks of a breakup.

Two of the three are very dear girlfriends who have been single for the last two and a half years. Last month, on separate occassions, they both tell me they're seriously seeing someone. One of them (who's 38) just came back from a 2 week trip to the land of yoga, samosas, bindhis and Bollywood with the new man and was feeling very positive about it all.

The other one, my 40 year old cousin who has been living in the US and who also hasn't had a serious relationship in many many many many years comes back home for a baptism and shows me beaming pictures of himself and a girl he's been seeing for five months.

They say good luck comes in threes. But I suppose the world could use a few more happy hook ups?

Then there's me who I guess even if I wanted to, doesn't always end up swimming with the tide, dealing with a newly long-distanced relationship.

But I'm happy for them. It's sweet to find a partner, even sweeter if you know it's long term, it's sweet to find a new friend too, a new "sister" or confidante. Or someone you've known before but only got a chance to know better now. Life's been particularly tough for me the last five years, one of the things that's helped me through the rough spots is sweetness.

Pour some sugar on me.

And may the honey drip on all of you too.

People don't really obey EVERY SINGLE traffic rule here. Especially the minor ones. Sure most people don't run red lights (but some do), most people don't go the other way on a one way street (but some will) and in general most people don't make left turns from the right most lane. Though some idiots will.

Congruently, traffic cops really don't do their job. Some just direct traffic if they feel like it or I guess if their superiors bark at them to do it.

Sometimes they catch the violators, sometimes they speed off and the poor cop is on foot. Other times, the person they catch says something like, "Don't you know my uncle is a general in the Phil. army or he's the chief of police." Or what the hell, they offer a "goodwill gift."

So there I am at Paseo de Roxas getting ready to make a right on Makati Ave. and my vehicle goes over the first yellow demarcation line. Most of the time, you see people halfway across an intersection just waiting for the light to turn green. It's a violation you see happening that goes unpunished day in day out, several times a day.

Well today, a cop decides to walk up to me and give me ticket.

Usually I'm really respectful I call the cop, "Sir" or "Officer" and try to talk to them politely. A lot of people, as an alternative to weasling out of the situation will blow their tops. Anyway, I was really polite but I just felt like giving him a sad personal epistle on the inconsistency in enforcement and pointed out several other violators pointing out they should be ticketed too. And that the day the cops enforce even the smallest rules, properly please make an announcement.

He asked me to pull over along Makati Avenue when I turned but he was on foot. There wasn't much traffic so I could have easily just been and driven off. I just told him I wasn't going to do it again.

He let me go. I don't mind following even the most minor of traffic rules, just makes it a bit hard when the President breaks the biggest laws and tells lies. And I hope I don't get arrested for this post--because she's been arresting people left and right and barely lifts a finger when a journalist gets shot.

And I also don't mind paying the new VAT if I see the government using for social services. But is it just me or do I see even MORE kids begging in the street?

But you know, for the sake of that policeman I will not cross that yellow intersection line again. It's tough being a cop, and it's tough being a citizen when you don't have much faith in the leadership.

My fever was running a high 39d 30 minutes after I met my friend Wawi to submit our entry to the 1st Philippine Fiction / Graphic Awards sponsored by Mr. Neil Gaiman. I started taking antibiotics and they havent' done the trick. So there I was stuck at home, unable to work, do household routines or play a little. I amused myself by reading through the March editions of GQ, Vanity Fair and Esquire. The Vanity Fair was excellent--along with the much talked about pictorial, there's the usual Dominic Dunne column I enjoy, a story on the making of the movie Reds (one of my favorites while I was in college), one on Bette Davis and one on the author of the novel Peyton Place. There's also this article on a creepy band called Prussian Blue which is basically these two blonde haired blue eyed 13 year old twin girls singing and preaching about "white supremacy" and coming pretty damned close to being apologists for Hitler. Viggo is on the cover of Esquire but I find it a bit funny that it has his political views in there at the same time as having an article on the troops and another on the Generals who have served / are serving on Operation Iraqui Freedom. I know it's OK to present all these viewpoints, it just felt funny at my end. Matthew Fox is on the cover of GQ which is a good read too. I want to go to Hawaii.

When those thick magazines were done with, went over and attacked the pile of DVDs I've been meaning to watch--saw Serenity (pretty good, but you can't help but say Han Solo's adventures continue), Pride and Prejudice (absolutely charming, sweet and cleverly done though I'm not that sold on those quick pans, or close ups the D.O.P. uses, I wish I could look like Keira Knightley), Ringers: Lord of the Fans (I actually know some people personallly who have appeared there--can't help but say "fan girl") and finally, right before blogging, Lost In La Mancha, a documentary of a film that never was. Terry Gilliam was beset by a horrible storm which wrecked and washed away a ton of equipment, F-16 planes flying overhead at the location, extras not having rehearsed, the man playing Quixote, Jean Rochefort getting very ill. At least with Apocalypse Now (which also had a great documentary about it's making, "Hearts of Darkness), they finished the film. The six days of production essentially had a lot of Johnny Depp's scenes and the pre-production and production had a lot of Gilliam's much-loved Giants chasing Quixote scene. You have to see it.

Apparently there were plans for Johnny Depp and Robin Williams to do Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's "Good Omens" with Terry Gilliam directing. But the movie hasn't gotten its funding. I found this out from the Gaiman interview at NU107 last July.

Thank goodness, the TV in my room isn't connected to cable or picks up any channels. I may not end up just sick but stupid and depressed too.

Time to go to Lost In La Mancha's Special Features. And later ask someone to get me my newly prescribed meds :-P

Today I'm sick again. The second time this month! It must be something in the air, it must be my doldrum-y mood for the past month, it must be the President declaring a "State of Emergency" which allows her to close down publications and media organizations she deems may be out of line. She already had the Tribune closed. For some people, this must be really exciting and interesting times. But for someone who has seen and even participated these "popular uprsings" and witnessed the worst coup attempt ever, I just want to be surprised by a wise leader and some stability for a while. "Amaze me now" (Scorpio Rising, 10,000 Maniacs)

Anyway, as far as months go, I've had better. Later, I have to run over to Fully Booked and submit my entry to the Neil Gaiman sponsored "First Philippine Graphic / Fiction Awards." I was originally asked to judge but I had this bright idea of passing that up so Wawi and I could enter a story. And there I was last night at two am with a sore throat and a headache trying to wrap up our entry.

It is going to get better right? Maybe when I wake up.

Jack You scored 60% kindness, 54% courage, 28% seedy past, and 56% secretiveness!

"We're not savages, Kate. Not yet." You are Jack. You are compassionate, heroic, and a bit of a martyr. You are brave and a natural leader. However, you shouldn't keep so much bottled up inside. You are so busy taking care of others that you have no time or energy to take care of yourself. Take a load off once in a while and play some golf with Hurley. You need to relax pretty soon or else you'll be no good for anyone anymore - including yourself! Your polar opposite is: Shannon. You are similar to: Boone and Sayid.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 44% on kindness You scored higher than 74% on courage You scored higher than 34% on seedy past You scored higher than 55% on secretiveness

Link: The Which Lost Character Are You Test written by ack_attack on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Thanks to Casey (not Marty) in North Hollywood for the news--

She emailed me telling me my "future husband" has something going in Santa Monica. She must be truly psychic--I haven't even told her about my Viggo story yet ha ha ha. Well, I hope she's truly psychic. I could get used to being called Mrs. Mortensen. (Dang, who is that coughing in the background while I'm blogging?)

Holy Guacamole...this is someone I'd love to hug and never let go of: Actor, Poet, Political Activist, Renaissance Man, Jazz Musician, Spoken Word Artist (pa-jam naman Viggo!) Photographer, Orc hunter, Outdoorsman. Swoon. Johnny don't get jealous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, take a number and fall in line right?

Anyway, here's the dish on Viggo's upcoming exhibit from a website:

"Some of Viggo's photographs will be shown in an exhibition at the Track 16 Gallery in Santa Monica from January 14th to February 16th, 2006, along with the paintings of Georg Gudni. A book-signing by the two will be announced "at a later date". Sounds like a must for anyone within 100 miles! You can read more at the Track 16 site."

Speaking of which, I still have to hunt down a copy of "Pandemonium From America" which has Viggo collaborating with Elijah, Dom, Billy and Buckethead.

So folks, it's time for me to get busy and find that pretty dress--it is the start of awards season in the US. You never know, Orlando might need a date. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ORLANDO!!!

Sending you the next blog from my dreams.

Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggggooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Today my 4 year old got a Charlie and the Chocolate factory tin lunch box (thanks Trish!) with Thermos. At his tender age, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of this favorite movies.

We got home and I decided to play Star Wars III for him and the neighbor's help's kids. Out comes Count Dooku played by Christopher Lee. After which he runs to me--Mommy, what is Willy Wonka's Daddy doing there? Wilbur Wonka is with the dark side. Mommy, is Willy Wonka bad also?

Paging Mr. Lucas and Mr. Burton--is it too late to put Willy Wonka into the Star Wars Universe? "Charlie? The force is strong in that boy."

Mace Windu: "Wonka, get your candy ass out of there, the chocolate causing the light sabers to malfunction."

"Yoda, quit playin' with those Oompa Loompas and get back to the council meeting!"

Yoda: "Use your candy cane as a weapon, can you? A technicolor light saber I have not seen before."

Wilbur Wonka: "Willy, I'm your father."

Orlando Bloom as Balian Standee in Astrovision Podium. Yummy. It was inside the store and not much going on so I'd be spotted real quick if I tried to take him away. Went to Megamall and same standee was outside the store. Busy day. Managed to move the standee a few feet away from the door. No one cared. Of course what do I tell security when I try to leave the mall. Do I come back with a baseball cap and my NYPA bomber jacket for Orlando? Maybe I can bring him out then. He is such a challenge. I am exploring other means but I truly need an accomplice and if it does go missing then this blog becomes circumstantial evidence I think.

In the meantime, great article and amazing photos by MARIO TESTINO of ORLANDO BLOOM in November issue of GQ.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire tickets are being sold now (actually since October 28th - Quark's Birthday), fanboys and fangirls, on your mark, get set, GO.

I have way too much work to do and sometimes it takes a knight and wizard to give me something to look forward to (aside from my 4 year old of course).

Bring out the music, the dancing, the candy in swirls and bright psychedelic stop light go light colors, the chocolate dripping down the lips, creeping down your elbow, the carved out pumpkins from Sleepy Hollow, the jangly guitars, the banshees' wails, the long wizard sleeves, cold fairies shaking like a leaf.  Come out little darklings and starry swashbucklers.  This season is for you, this is for me.  Tonight we lie to tell the truth, with a twinkle in our eyes.  Batten the hatches, strike your colors, steal your kisses like candy and let it all begin baby baby baby it's glorious HALLOWEEN!

Mango Jam issue 5 is coming soon, in time for the Halloween season. Some of us from the staff will be on "Atta Girl" on NU107.
Romancing Venus Vol. 2 (for the benefit of the Women's Crisis Center) is recording material end of the month. As of this writing my session is likely to be on October the 24th. I hope the poem selection I made from Kooky Tuason's material is a go. This is really exciting. Wawi got to read for the last one and so did Angel Aquino. I should actually look for a copy.
And on November 9, Wednesday, BACK FROM THE DREDD opens at Big Sky Mind. Exhibits of photos I took from the Club Dredd Timog years (late 1990 to early 2003). Helping me and Big Sky out are Patrick Reidenbach, Jing Garcia, Bawbaw, Color it Red, Pinwheel and some really good friends who gave in some really fun titles.

And then I pull the blanket way up high and then sleep.