Milk · and · Blood

I'm off to a costume event organized by the New Worlds Alliance aka Geek Pride. But before I rush out with all my gear, I'd like to greet LITTLEGREENLEAF a Happy Happy Happy Birthday. I would have been a lost soul at ORC 2006 if not for her and I not only had a companion, I met an "Ate" (older sister) too. Big hugs and I'm glad you like the flowers xoxo

K

nazgulqueen's Halloween party:

10th_1216 dressed as a juice.
3ndlessnameless dressed as Lance Armstrong.
ana_lib_elf dressed as Woodrow Wilson.
chaosmanor dressed as a pimp.
charlesatan dressed as Hurricane Micheal.
cherrykabuki dressed as something tender, but what, specifically, you can't tell, though it looked more like a new superhero: Snow -wave.
cmdr_gabe_e dressed as the love child of Jesus and Vanna White.
efrensapalaran dressed as Mr. Sulu from "Star Trek", and it suited them disturbingly well.
frodo_202 dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
janipanda dressed as a witch, though it looked more like the Governor of West Virginia.
littlegreenleaf dressed as Optimus Prime, and it suited them all too well.
loverly_rosies dressed as Johnny Depp.
luthientaralom dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Intellectual Contender, and it suited them disturbingly well.
mcvie dressed as a 1970's disco child.
pecos dressed as your aunt.
psyctrl dressed as Darth Vader.
sadiebrandybuck dressed as Tipper Gore.
schrodingerscat dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Chim-Chim Bananabreath", though it looked more like the Cardinal of Osbusdale.
starshuffler dressed as Trent Reznor.
stryderranulf dressed as Gwen Stefani's mother.
tagasanpablo dressed as the Electric Power Ranger.
tatcee dressed as Chester A. Arthur.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe something
A day in the life of someone else?
Cause I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I don't have any albums by Pink in my collection but I do like some of her songs, like "Pill" and her new single, "Stupid." You just have to love the way she embraces her imperfection and how sometimes she just speaks for those of us who may not have every hair in place, who may not have "seemingly" perfect little lives and relationships, or don't have everything at home in their designated little nooks.

I started off the week questioning myself. Monday morning, I was buying a gift at Toy Kingdom and the music playing at the store was "Don't Let Me Get Me" and I think I found my anthem du jour.

The Sunday night before, I had dinner at my grandmother's and it hit me: my cousin in law isn't talking to me. I thought for the last couple of weeks she was being cold and distant until it hit me. She is avoiding / ignoring me. I had a talk with one of my cousins and I reckon she is mad at me for something I did without any cruel intentions. I just got caught in the middle somewhere, got misunderstood and now I've been hung by the jury in her head without any chance for me to explain my side.

Normally, I'd just let it blow over but my popularity level during the Sunday dinner sweepstakes is a current marvel.

My aunt barely raises an eyebrow when I greet her. This is because two months ago, I had told her to respect my privacy as I felt she was asking questions about me behind my back--I also felt this was not out of genuine concern but to maybe further affirm I do belong to the Addams family instead. Or perhaps maybe the Tepes or Bathory bloodline.

I think part of what makes me a bit of a target is I am different and I don't quite fit the mold. Of course I know each one of us (from amongst my cousins) are all different but I think I may have skewed off the curves more often than anyone else. It shows in the way I dress--sometimes like a pirate, sometimes like Morticia, sometimes like a rockstar, sometimes like a survivor contestant. I hardly go out but when I do, it's not to these trendy, upscale places. I like little dives and rock clubs. I sometimes like being alone. That's just some of it. But despite all that, I'm still glad I can get along with all my cousins.

I guess I am just a target to those who are at the further end of the spectrum from me. I'm more prone to being misunderstood by them. Make me materialize in a section of London where all the punks hang out and I'll be but a bunny rabbit, find me at Sunday dinner and well, I'm a punk.

And for some bizarre few moments I wish I had the perfectly combed hair, the normal set up at home (the wedding ring, the husband with the right job and family name), the spa appointments...and just this propensity for doing and liking most of whatever it is the people around me do and like. For some moments not be identified by my quirks and imperfections and just blend in with the landscape.

But that's just for a bizarre few moments. Even when I'm feeling a bit down, misunderstood and miserable, there's no other skin I'm more comfortable in other than my own. Even if sometimes I do annoy myself.

That said, it kind of makes you love the people who really love you more and more. I may be far from perfect but I sure as hell am full of love, squishiness and quirks for my peeps who take me as I am.

Peace.

(Rant)

Last Sunday night I had dinner at my grandmother's house. The usual Sunday dinner. After I left early to make sure my son would be up early for school the next day, my aunt started asking my cousin questions about my personal life.

Very personal questions, private ones. Ones involving past and current relationships with boyfriends.

My cousin told me about it and I got so upset, I decided to call my aunt and tell her if she has questions about me, she can ask me straight. She told me, I was a very private person by nature so she wanted to get her information elsewhere. She said she had a "right to know" if not from me then from my cousins. I told her I wanted her to respect my privacy.

I have spent the last four years taking care of a son on my own and taking care of my father who is sick, I just broke my toe and had to get a cast and had foot surgery both times going by MYSELF to the hospital. And dammit, is it too much to ask that I be left alone when I ask to be?

My aunt is the kind of woman who thinks people should NOT go to the cinema to watch the Da Vinci Code, she supports the Opus Dei, doesn't listen to other religious points of view and likes to gossip about other people or other people's kids gone wrong. A true gift to ultra right wing Catholicism.

Thing is, I have not gone wrong, I've made mistakes yes but I've embraced them as part of my being and grown and learned about life, love and understanding from those mistakes. I still feel I have a moral compass that guides me in my decisions, sometimes it maybe off and other times, I lose it because I'm angry or hurt.

But no one has the RIGHT to know my details, no has the RIGHT to judge me or make me feel like a less of human being because I have not lived my life in accordance to the tenets of Vatican 2.

When I was younger, I couldn't brush my teeth in the same room as my cousins (they were boys) and I couldn't watch TV with my older cousins with the door closed when I was in their house.

Here I am 38 years old, minding my own business and being hounded by the morality police.

I'm trying not to let this get to me, so here I am now, on the LJ, trying to release all this anger.

Our family is so small as it is, I feel I've divided it further but I got angry and couldn't help it. In our Filipino culture, we're trained to respect our elders so it is just not that acceptable to give them lip. And I just did and I can't apologize.

I fractured my left big toe yesterday in Taekwondo class.

I don't know how it happened but it was while I was practicing 45 degree kicks on a kick pads. I must have done one of my kicks hard and done it wrong :-( and it doesn't help that I'm part of the target market for those ads mentioning "osteoporosis."

It happened in the morning and since I wasn't feeling much pain yet and I wanted to make my promotion test, I did something really smart--I thought it was nothing and trained again the afternoon. By 6:30 pm I was figuring something wasn't quite right with the discoloration and my inability to bend my toe at the joint.

At 7:30 pm I am driving myself to the emergency room of the nearest hospital and by 10:00 pm I am back in the car (thank God for automatic transmission) with a cast. I also made another smart move: I was prescribed pain killers--Arcoxia, and at the time, I thought I could handle it. Since I came home to a late dinner with a few friends I had not seen in a long time, I ended up sleeping at 2:00 am and an hour of sleep was as good as it got. I was in pain until 7:00 am when I asked our "manang" to please go out and buy me the pain killers.

I never had a fracture before in my life. Had a sling, and a knee brace (from skating and weights injuries) but never a fracture and cast. The pain really rocks. It is an eye opener for me--in more ways than one because no matter how tired I was, the pain kept me up. Now I have more sympathy and more respect for people I know who are in this sort of situation. It's 3 weeks in a cast for me--unless the orthopedic surgeon I plan to visit next week says otherwise.

What made me feel worse is that I'll definitely miss the promotion test I've been preparing for and I may have to cancel the holiday I planned with my son. May be looking for crutches as well, I can always borrow my dad's wheelchair. Or John Locke's.

Ever have one of those moments where you're so sweaty and stinky from exercising but you're just too LAZY to take a bath? And you're at this computer and it's really near a bed and you just want to plop down on it, no bath and no brushing of teeth?

I'm having one of those moments.

If I still lived alone, the answer to that would be sooooooooo easy. I could just say I'm conserving water!

Three people in my karmic circle have recently hooked up--not with each other but with promising to be very significant others.

What makes these three so different is that they're not the type to jump right into another relationship or get another boyfriend / girfriend within weeks of a breakup.

Two of the three are very dear girlfriends who have been single for the last two and a half years. Last month, on separate occassions, they both tell me they're seriously seeing someone. One of them (who's 38) just came back from a 2 week trip to the land of yoga, samosas, bindhis and Bollywood with the new man and was feeling very positive about it all.

The other one, my 40 year old cousin who has been living in the US and who also hasn't had a serious relationship in many many many many years comes back home for a baptism and shows me beaming pictures of himself and a girl he's been seeing for five months.

They say good luck comes in threes. But I suppose the world could use a few more happy hook ups?

Then there's me who I guess even if I wanted to, doesn't always end up swimming with the tide, dealing with a newly long-distanced relationship.

But I'm happy for them. It's sweet to find a partner, even sweeter if you know it's long term, it's sweet to find a new friend too, a new "sister" or confidante. Or someone you've known before but only got a chance to know better now. Life's been particularly tough for me the last five years, one of the things that's helped me through the rough spots is sweetness.

Pour some sugar on me.

And may the honey drip on all of you too.